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Can We Just Go Back To the Good Old Days?

I’m in my twenties and already I miss the good old days. If I am feeling so much nostalgia for how things were done back then, I wonder how people in their forties feel.

It has really been a long time since I watched a man woo a woman with so much dedication, her heart skipped for joy whenever she heard his name. It has been a really long time since I’ve seen genuine affection between two people rather than the grudgingly offered acts of service, or displays of affection staged to fool everyone on social networks. Sometimes I find myself wondering what on earth happened to all those days when guys stood outside and held boom boxes in the air, or threw pebbles at windows just to say goodnight on their way home from work.

Perhaps that is why we were all so endeared to Edward Cullen in Twilight. His eyes were not just compelling, irresistible, captivating, charming, appealing… (Yes, I can describe those eyes in a hundred and one adjectives), his attitude towards Bella melted my heart. Before he wooed her, he protected her, while he was wooing her, he looked out for her. He defended her when the need arose, and he treated her like the dainty flower she was. Why can’t we have Edward Cullens anymore? Have all the chivalrous men been converted to vampires? Because if that’s the case, we may need to start considering our conversion options as women.

These days all I hear is “you are not submissive; submit! Submit! Submit!!! To who, and for what? What exactly has this person done to melt my heart to the point where I want to submit myself to him body and soul? Has he protected me? Has he defended me? Has he looked out for my interest? Has he respected my body? Has he treated me like the delicate flower I am? Has he respected my heart? Has he loved me so much, I feel like my heart will stop beating if he ever mentions leaving to a different place?

These days all I hear is “Go with the flow.” What flow exactly? Oh yea! That flow…

Boy meets girl; boy thinks girl is hot; boy flirts with girl and girl flirts back; boy wants to have sex so he impresses girl with a couple of dates and buys girl Brazilian hair. Given that many chivalrous men are hiding in caves somewhere (and really, I think we should go on the ultimate search to discover their hiding place), girl is impressed by a couple of dates and a pack of Brazilian hair. Boy makes move, girl acts unsure; boy throws indirect shade at girl for being a prude, girl gives in. Boy sees girl a few more times, has sex a few more times, and finally turns girl to a booty call, until girl realizes she’s not the only one who got Brazilian hair and a couple of dates. Girl puts herself back on the market, and vows never to go down that road of stupidity ever again. Unfortunately, the same cycle repeats itself with two or more boys until girl eventually finds someone who’s somewhat committed to having a decent relationship.

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This person comes in all serious, discussing marriage and spewing all the right kind of jargon girl has been dying to hear. So girl jumps in, ready to make this work. But there’s a problem: He sees no reason to go on dates, give gifts, or even defend girl. At least he’s talking marriage, so girl tells herself all those things her heart yearns for are unnecessary. And yes, he will never stop telling girl to submit; and she does… until she realizes she’s lost herself to someone who did nothing to win her heart, yet expects her heart to be dedicated to him. Divorce bells ring; girl wants out. Yea… that flow leads nowhere eventually.

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Can we go back to the days when men and women exchanged letters to declare their love? Those days when men wrote first, and women giggled and blushed for days from the poetic flow of their words? Can we go back to the days when men picked women up for dates rather than tell them to meet them at the restaurant? Can we go back to those days when men did not ask for submission but they got it because they earned it? Can we go back to the days when men asked for the permission of fathers before they took their daughters on dates? Those days when men knew sex was not on the table yet they wanted to be with this gorgeous, delicate yet strong flower just to know her thoughts on quantum physics (haha! Gotcha!). But really, can we go back to the days when men called just to speak for hours? Not these days when they send smileys, WhatsApp messages, and the occasional text message. Urrgh… how I hate modern technology! Can we go back to the good old days when sex was actually a big deal, and men did not go around broadcasting their conquests to their friends in a bid to slut shame the woman for engaging in the exact same deed? Those days when sex meant something special to BOTH the man and the woman? Can we go back to the days when men were dedicated to genuinely winning a woman’s heart, they put a lot of effort into it, hence found it hard to toy with such a woman after sweeping her off her feet?

Imagine if we went back to the days when men truly loved women like they loved their own body, where men protected women, defended their honour, respected their values, and gave flowers just because… Imagine if we went back to the days when women shunned disrespectful men, and held themselves in such high esteem, cheap words and an expensive bottle of wine were not sufficient to cause a classic panty-dropping dance?

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Oh! I miss the good old days; I miss phone calls; I miss love letters; I miss days when men made women blush because they were downright sincere. I’m so nostalgic right now, I might start weeping for our generation and generations to come.

I have decided I want Edward Cullen; I want that protection, that respect, that value, the desire, the understanding of my genuine brand of sophisticated madness.  No, I don’t want surprise visits by the window in the dead of the night. Heart attacks are real, and there’s a chance you will get shot by security guards, so let’s keep things legit.  I want to be wooed properly. Deep down every woman wants to be wooed properly, to be delicate yet strong; to be pampered; to be genuinely loved.

Can all the Edward Cullens in hiding step out in the open please?

Relationships

I Just Can’t Find a Wife!

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This is the song many men that claim they’d like to be married are singing… “I just can’t find a wife, so many ladies are deceitful. Too many ladies ‘have been around’ and those that seem good enough to marry are so unapproachable or uninterested.”

Ok guys… I hear you. It is easy to find a girlfriend, date her for five years or more, wake up one morning and have an epiphany that she just doesn’t fit into your future dream- she’s too lazy, she’s too fat, she farts when she sleeps, she dresses too simply, she’s too intelligent, she looks like a snob, my friends don’t get her, she is too talkative, she is too serious, she is just too much….If i hear one more complaint along these lines, I’ll have a fit! Jeez! I thought women were the queens of complaints. Clearly, I was wrong.

One of my male friends recently asked me…”How do I find my wife?” It seemed like a difficult question considering I am not on talking terms with cupid. however, I offered him some tips which I am about to regurgitate in this post. Hopefully, many young men in the “i can’t find a wife” boat will relate well with them.

#1 Stop Making Excuses! So many young men today dwell in the valley of excuses when it comes to not being able to approach a certain girl or not being able to commit. “Her face is just so discouraging, she hardly smiles”. I have gotten this so many times, I started to wonder if I ought to walk around with a smile constantly plastered on my face like i just had botoxNancy_Pelosi_Botox_Smile I mean seriously? What does her face have to do with anything? You like her, strap on a pair or ten pairs if you feel you’ll need them and just say a few words to her- a compliment, pleasantries, a comment about the weather….the worst she can do is show you she’s engaged.

#2 Stop Acting Like the Prize!!! Oh my! I can write a whole book on this one. I don’t know if it’s the psychological imbalance in society or the fact that many women carry the desperation billboards on their foreheads but many men approach women with the wrong mindset. They assume if she is in her mid or late twenties or thirties, she is definitely looking for a husband and they are the best offer on the table. So instead of a “Hello miss, How are you?”, they start off with the “Hey, I’m Mr X, and it would be in your best interest to know me.” Well, not those exact words but you get the point. No self-respecting lady would respond well to that. I met a guy like that, that even took it upon himself to point out to me that my mates were married while I was busy pursuing another degree. Oh well, his ass is roasting nicely on the curb now.

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#3 Learn the art of woo-ing I must confess now that I judge every lady that goes into a relationship with a man without being wooed. Yes, you can snarl at me, but i think it is the one phase every woman should let herself enjoy and it is the one skill every man should learn. I get shock waves when guys meet a girl at a party, ask her out to dinner, go on one date and then get upset that she is just not that into them. What happened to taking your time to woo the lady you claim to like? Why do men just expect women to fall into their laps like over-ripe fruits fall to the ground? Learn to woo! A compliment here and there, a thoughtful gesture, fun conversations…. you are the guys, you should know all these things! My interpretation of Woman? Someone a man should woo. Get it? I hope so!

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#4 Girls don’t like bad boys It is popular belief that many women like to hang out with bad boys and get hurt over and over again. Well, this is definitely not the case! I’ll try to explain why it seems that way. Many women don’t like wimps! Yes, you read right, no one wants a wimp. Many guys, in their efforts to portray themselves as good men, act like spiders on remote-controlled roller skates, no balance of any sort, just ready to go in whatever direction the miss pushes you. Jeez! the only kind of women that will be super happy living with that are women with control issues.So before you start lamenting about how your ‘goodness’ puts women off, know this…it is not the ‘bad-ness’ in bad boys that we like, it’s the assertive-ness (and I don’t mean that in an abusive way; so don’t go slap some girl and wake up in a hospital bed three weeks later. Yes, some women can induce comas with one slap, don’t push).

#5 You are not her god I used to think women were the ones that liked to be worshipped and treated like eggs but seriously, my research has shown that men take the cake when it comes to this. These days, men expect a woman to prove she is worthy of attaining ‘his wife’s status’. She has to cook, clean his crib, wash his clothes, watch his friends mess everything up and clean up after them. Again, no self-respecting lady would do all this for you simply because you are dangling a ring in front of her eyes. donkeymotivation WE ARE NOT DONKEYS!!!!

You either want to marry a girl or you don’t. Using a carrot and stick approach is so unacceptable!!! These days, men say “If she can’t cook my meals, wash my clothes and clean my crib, she’s stuck up and spoilt and I just can’t marry her.” OOOOH I’m scared of being alone. *cyber shivering*.

If you are truly looking for a wife, I suggest you get cleansed from such thoughts. Yes, women want to be married and sadly, a number of women would do anything to be named Mrs, but bear in mind, many women who appreciate themselves are not willing to roll in the mud just so they can give up their last name.