Personal Growth

How much are you worth?

I never really thought about this question until a recent discussion with a  couple of male friends got me wondering. Truth be told, when the question was directed at me, all I could manage was a smile and that smile haunted me for many nights because I figured I could have been more loquacious.

How much are you worth? 

Pause. Think about it. This is not the time to spring from your seat like ‘Jack in the box’; it is not the time to talk about your degrees, your job, or even your possessions. It is not the time to talk to about how people treat you or how amazing your personality is.

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Source: theodysseyonline.com

It is not a question you can answer with words. It is not a question you can answer by quoting Maya Angelou’s phenomenal woman. It is not a question you can answer by feeling insulted that someone would even dare ask you that. It is not a question you can answer by defending yourself.

I started writing this post four years ago, and I could not finish it because I realized indeed that the many ways I listed above could not effectively answer the question. Sure, I might have been able to sell myself as an assertive woman who believed in herself; but all the words in the world could not aptly describe what I was worth.

Four years, later, it hit me as I drove down the busy highways of Johannesburg on a traffic-free day. The answer to that question is not in words; it is in actions. How much you are worth is deeply ingrained in how you treat yourself. It is deeply entrenched in what you believe about yourself, and most importantly, it is found in the core of who and what you accept into your life.

I have seen many women recite phenomenal woman over and over, and right afterward, went ahead to do and accept un-phenomenal things. I have heard people write quotes on Facebook about how they are worth the world, yet could not stop their partners from treating them like doormats. I have been that person so many times. I have been the quoter and not the doer.

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But that day, when the question was thrown at me, it seemed as though the heavens opened and whispered in my ear “your words will not suffice. Your words cannot describe your worth enough”. So I smiled. Yes, I wished I’d spoken but I realize now that my heart was saying to me “Shhh. Pull back a bit and explore the deepest recesses of yourself. Pull back a bit and hear me speak.”

So if you are wondering how much you are worth, or if the question has been thrown at you before and you feel your verbal response did not do the trick, stop and listen to the silent whispers in your heart. Stop and ask yourself if you present yourself as worthy or worthless. Stop and ask yourself if you treat yourself with tender loving care. Do you treat yourself like you matter? Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself “do I place as much worth on myself as God places on me?”

Therein lies the answer to that question.

And when you answer with all the sincerity you can muster, you will find the strength to treat yourself like the gem that you are. And no one will ever feel the need to ask you how much you are worth. They will simply see you are a priceless offspring of the King of Heaven.

XOXO.

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Nothing is Wrong With You!

You have probably been there a few times; looked into the mirror and asked yourself what it is about you that repulses the opposite sex? Why is it that in spite of all your gracious efforts to make your relationships work, something just sets the whole ball into a downward spiral? You’ve probably sat on your own many times and tried to dissect what you did wrong, and how you could have fixed it, but for some reason, you just can’t find anything substantial that you did wrong. Why then do all your relationships fail? Is there an invisible sign on your forehead that says “available for mistreatment”? What exactly is wrong with you that makes the guys and girls want to take advantage of you? My response? Nothing.
As humans, our self-esteem is tied to a whole lot of things; whether we like to admit it or not, a better-paying job is a boost for our self-esteem; a stable relationship where you are cherished and adored is more than a self-esteem boost, it’s a contribution to personal growth and happiness. It’s a place of comfort where you go when you’ve had a hard day at work, or just feel blue because the sky is grey. It is understandable then that if that place of comfort turns out to be a sham, your self-esteem will take a knock, and you’ll feel low. If you find yourself in such situations successively, then you might start to think you are the problem. This is very common amongst women who have been mistreated, cheated on, abused, taken for granted or even played for fools.
Read and understand this…You are not the problem! There are people who are ill-mannered, care-free about their spouses, and have no respect for their relationship who have the stability that you crave. It is not because of who they are, it is because of who they got. The fact that you haven’t gotten the right person does not mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you are going through a learning process to equip you with knowledge and maturity that will make you appreciate the right person.
Instead of dwelling on the endless list of what could be wrong with you, look at it this way: someone saw you, checked you out, saw how happy you were, and how you had everything together, and that person decided to interrupt the flow of your life, turn it upside down, use you for your kindheartedness, take advantage of you, and play you for a fool. Something is wrong with them! Something is wrong with someone who looks at you and decides you need to be broken or lied to. Something is wrong with someone who feels you are too happy on your own, and draws you into a web of lies, deceit and abuse. Something is wrong with the person who decides to hurt you because someone else hurt him or her. Something is wrong with the person who kept reiterating your flaws in a bid to tear you down. Something is wrong with that married man who decides to keep you in emotional bondage by making promises he can’t keep. Something is wrong with that lady who is simply leading you on for sport. Yes, you may have fallen victim, but that is not because you are stupid. It is because your intentions towards others are so pure, you can’t conceive in your mind that anyone would want to treat another human being the way you have been treated.
Stop dwelling on the mistreatment; I know the more it happens, the more frequently it chips away at your self-esteem, and you start to walk around with your head bowed and shoulders drooped, but you have to deliberately fight it! You have to deliberate affirm your identity. Speak positive words to yourself every single day! The fact that someone else could not see your worth does not in any way reduce it. Nothing is wrong with you, so stop believing it. XOXO
This post is also published on covenantrelationships.org by me. To read all my other posts, please like my facebook page by clicking here
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Put A Price Tag on Yourself!

 

As published on http://www.covenantrelationships.org

I had an interesting epiphany while I was out shopping sometime last week. I walked into a shoe store and given my love for shoes, I was soon spoilt for choice. My prudent side kicked in, and I decided price would be the determining factor. Afterall, I didn’t need a new pair of shoes urgently, I just like to have shoes at the ready should a new idea for an outfit pop into my head. I started to look at the prices. Some of them were so expensive, I could literally hear my bank account emptying, others were just OK and some were ridiculously cheap. I observed the more expensive shoes; they had detail, some bling, their soles were strong yet comfortable, the designs were out of this world- unique, different, able to make any pair of legs beautiful. The analogy that popped into my head immediately cracked me up. Aren’t we all  like shoes?I believe we are!

There are so many of us that are strong, beautiful/handsome, easy to get along with, intelligent and really the kind of person anyone would want to take home to mama! But the problem is we place ourselves on the cheap stand. In spite of all the details that have been meticulously engraved and instilled in us, we are scared we are too high on a pedestal, so we place ourselves on a lower pedestal so people can afford us. In other words, we put ourselves on sale. Sadly, most singles, especially ladies keep reducing the sale price until it is almost free… and yet we wonder why people that do not understand the quality behind our design come around and treat us like a pair of cheap slippers, instead of a pair of Louboutin heels. 

Put a price tag on yourself- are you cheap, average or priceless? Now, when I talk about putting a price tag on yourself, it should be coherent with the details you have instilled and the time you have invested in yourself to make yourself better. If all you bring to the table in a relationship is sex or just money, then you should be on the cheap stand and need to take some time to improve the material you are made of, your sole, the elegance you bring and of course the attractive factor- how do you make people around you better? 

If you have already tagged yourself as priceless, and you know what you bring to the table is priceless, stop putting yourself on sale! So many people, especially young women in their bid to tie the knot as early as possible move from priceless to average, and eventually to cheap, where they are bought by men who do not understand their value, and end up as bathroom slippers or driving slippers (yeah some people have slippers dedicated for driving only). Stop allowing people who can only afford to shop on the cheap stand buy you, use you and then throw you in the trash. There is someone out there, that understands what you are worth, and is willing to pay that seemingly high price. A person whose feet will be thankful whenever he or she slips you on, and will always tell their buddies- I don’t regret shopping on the priceless stand!

What is your price tag? XOXO

Personal Growth

Who’s the woman in the mirror?

I was never one to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror while growing up; it’s not because i was super confident that I’d like what i see as many people might assume. It was because i was scared I would find things I won’t like – huge pores, spots, pimples, uneven skin tone and so many other beauty mishaps that I felt were enough to make me curl into a ball and never step out the door again.

Self-esteem is one of the biggest issues plaguing society. As much as we don’t like to accept it, we are a generation filled with people who are battling low self-esteem and also battling to make sure no one can see our little secret. We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need so we can get an ego boost when a neighbour pays us a compliment. We act like we are out to save the world so people can notice us and pay us compliments for our goodwill. Our generation is filled with men that are not ashamed to raise their hands against their wives in order to show them who’s boss! We have a new generation of men that try to make sure their wives don’t earn more than they do, don’t look too attractive and don’t have ‘too much’ freedom for fear that she might become rebellious. This post is about the ladies; I intend to address this elephant in the room with regards to men later on.

ladies, how do you see yourself?

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There is no doubt that society has already rolled out the carpet for low self-esteem with definitions about the ‘right size’, the ‘right kinds of clothes’ the ‘right type of partner to have’ bla bla bla. If you are not stick skinny, you are not beautiful, so society has made us think. If you are not working that fancy top position by 27, you have failed in life. If you are not dating a wealthy man, whose source of income you don’t even know, you are not doing well for yourself and should hide behind a rock. Says who?

These days, we refuse to let our beauty radiate from within because we have sold ourselves cheap to material things that money can buy. We define ourselves by our clothes; ‘let me buy that Jimmy Choo handbag and beg for food for the rest of the month. at least, people will respect me when they see me with a jimmy Choo accessory’. we go out of our way to please other people because we want them to like us and respect us, because that is the only way we can feel good about ourselves. We endure abusive relationships, because like a fellow blogger once said to me “we accept the kind of love we think we deserve”.

The battle to hide our low self-esteem has become a competition amongst us ladies; we compete over every trivial thing there is on the surface of the earth. Well, here’s news for you! If it is something money can buy, it should not define you! Can anyone place a value on the depth of your heart? can you find it in stores or on shelves? can you purchase that innate feeling of confidence and happiness that doesn’t come from fancy clothes or shoes but comes from you knowing who you are in Christ?

You are a princess, and it has nothing to do with you being with Prince Charming! Rather, it has everything to do with the fact that your heavenly father is a king! No doubt, nice clothes and everything else make you feel good when you walk down the street but they are nothing but a cover-up for what’s most important- your heart.

If you are battling with your weight, do something about it. Jeez! If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t let it be the reason you become a recluse. You don’t need a membership fee to walk down the street or eat healthier foods. Change the way you look if it is causing you grief. Someone once said to me “if you don’t like where you are, change it! you are not a tree.”

If you are in an abusive relationship and you believe it is the love you deserve, need I remind you that you are the peak of God’s creation? Created from man’s rib to be his partner; not from his feet to be trampled on! (for more on this, check out https://ladydacreme.wordpress.com/2013/08/30/whats-in-a-woman/) Ladies, abusive relationships are not just the ones where women get hit. Emotional and psychological abuse are worst! You do not deserve a man who talks you down or reminds you everyday of how useless you are. Can anyone walk up to the Queen of England and say that? How come you, the daughter of the king of all the earth chooses to accept such treatment? You don’t deserve it even if you have a terrible past hanging over your head (i will address this in another post soon).

It is time to stop hiding behind fancy apparel and deal with the crux of the problem. Get off the abusive relationship wagon, don’t spend money you don’t have to impress other people. Once the money disappears, they will disappear too. Fall in love with yourself everyday. Look in the mirror and smile and how wonderfully God created you. Don’t settle for less! Don’t hunt the hunter, don’t become the foot mat for anyone. Raise your head; keep your heels and standards high 😉 believe you are beautiful and you will radiate it!