Settling for less especially in relationships is the new cool it seems. If no one has ever advised you to drop your standards and make do with the available, then one of two things are at play 1.) You don’t talk to people or 2.) You have really amazing friends who believe in ‘high heels and high standards’. Many people often testify to how they settled for less and still managed to win at this thing called love. In their words “things are not rosy or perfect; he sometimes feels I am trying to control him or she sometimes feel I am trying to change her into what she is not, so I’ve learnt to keep quiet on sensitive issues”. While I listen with rapt attention, I keep wondering how long they intend to keep quiet for. Like…
I don’t know if this ‘settling for less’ in a relationship is for everyone. Just last week, my baby (aka my heart throb on four wheels) taught me a good lesson about settling for less.
Ever since my baby and I found each other, I have always fed her the right food (i.e octane 95) as specified by the manufacturer, just as the corner of her mouth. I often heard some people with the same specification feed their babies with octane 93 when 95 is out of supply but I never had any reason to try until last week Monday. I arrived at the filling station as per my weekly routine and asked for octane 95. “Ma’am, we are out of 95 due to delays from the coast; we only have 93. I was hesitant and started considering using the Gautrain when a tall handsome man nearby said “Just get the 93; it’s not like it’s that big a difference.” He had a point. Many people who were meant to feed their babies octane 95 fed them 93 anyway, why was I being fussy.
We are more likely to lose whatever we compromise ourselves to keep.
I filled my tank with 93 and headed off to the highway. Needless to say last week was the scariest week my baby and I experienced. It was an excruciating experience that I swore I would NEVER EVER allow to happen again. My baby first started with coughing sounds as the cylinders tried to identify this strange food that was trying to power the engine. Forget all my formula one moves on the highway, and the ease with which I scaled the highs and lows of the Johannesburg N1. Instead I was struggling to accelerate my baby to her full potential and I was praying fervently. Did someone say “prayer cannot avert the consequences of a bad decision”? They are absolutely right.
The same thing goes for settling for less or should I say for the wrong person in a relationship. Many people do it and they are unaffected; then they ask you to do it and you think ‘well what could possibly go wrong?’ – lots and lots of things, but I’ll only mention three.
#1 Chances of slowing down your life to stay in tune with this person are really high. You have to quit pulling formula one moves and move at the pace of someone who does not understand, and has no intention to understand what your journey in life is about.
#2 You will find yourself struggling to settle into this lower level of intellectual, emotional, spiritual and yes even financial exchange. You might be very adaptable with friends you see every once in a while who make you question the existence of maturity but can you pull it for a lifetime in the wrong relationship? Probably not.
#3 You will never reach your potential because the person you have settled for will keep pulling you down. This is a fact many people often choose to ignore. I tell every young man and woman I mentor this: ” the friends you keep, the man or woman you date, the colleagues you spend the most time with, are all leading you somewhere.” It is up to you to know if the direction they are headed is the same direction you as an individual would like to go. I often tell my friends “before you agree to be in a relationship with a man, you gotta ask yourself “who will I become with this man in my life? Where will he possibly take me?” The answers should be your guide; the same applies to men. My baby could not reach her actual potential because I bonded her with the wrong type of fuel. Settling for the wrong person can have the same effect on your life.
Today, my baby got filled with octane 95 and guess who’s happy? Both of us! You are more likely to be happy in a relationship with someone who you connect with on the same level, than with someone you have to lessen yourself for. Sure you can do everything necessary to make the relationship work, but guess what it won’t. We are more likely to lose whatever we compromise ourselves to keep. And prayers will not take away the scary, potential-truncating, dream-destroying consequences that will arise as a result. Standards? Keep them high. You deserve the best when you bring the best to the table. Stay 100. XOXO