You have probably been there a few times; looked into the mirror and asked yourself what it is about you that repulses the opposite sex? Why is it that in spite of all your gracious efforts to make your relationships work, something just sets the whole ball into a downward spiral? You’ve probably sat on your own many times and tried to dissect what you did wrong, and how you could have fixed it, but for some reason, you just can’t find anything substantial that you did wrong. Why then do all your relationships fail? Is there an invisible sign on your forehead that says “available for mistreatment”? What exactly is wrong with you that makes the guys and girls want to take advantage of you? My response? Nothing.
As humans, our self-esteem is tied to a whole lot of things; whether we like to admit it or not, a better-paying job is a boost for our self-esteem; a stable relationship where you are cherished and adored is more than a self-esteem boost, it’s a contribution to personal growth and happiness. It’s a place of comfort where you go when you’ve had a hard day at work, or just feel blue because the sky is grey. It is understandable then that if that place of comfort turns out to be a sham, your self-esteem will take a knock, and you’ll feel low. If you find yourself in such situations successively, then you might start to think you are the problem. This is very common amongst women who have been mistreated, cheated on, abused, taken for granted or even played for fools.
Read and understand this…You are not the problem! There are people who are ill-mannered, care-free about their spouses, and have no respect for their relationship who have the stability that you crave. It is not because of who they are, it is because of who they got. The fact that you haven’t gotten the right person does not mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you are going through a learning process to equip you with knowledge and maturity that will make you appreciate the right person.
Instead of dwelling on the endless list of what could be wrong with you, look at it this way: someone saw you, checked you out, saw how happy you were, and how you had everything together, and that person decided to interrupt the flow of your life, turn it upside down, use you for your kindheartedness, take advantage of you, and play you for a fool. Something is wrong with them! Something is wrong with someone who looks at you and decides you need to be broken or lied to. Something is wrong with someone who feels you are too happy on your own, and draws you into a web of lies, deceit and abuse. Something is wrong with the person who decides to hurt you because someone else hurt him or her. Something is wrong with the person who kept reiterating your flaws in a bid to tear you down. Something is wrong with that married man who decides to keep you in emotional bondage by making promises he can’t keep. Something is wrong with that lady who is simply leading you on for sport. Yes, you may have fallen victim, but that is not because you are stupid. It is because your intentions towards others are so pure, you can’t conceive in your mind that anyone would want to treat another human being the way you have been treated.
Stop dwelling on the mistreatment; I know the more it happens, the more frequently it chips away at your self-esteem, and you start to walk around with your head bowed and shoulders drooped, but you have to deliberately fight it! You have to deliberate affirm your identity. Speak positive words to yourself every single day! The fact that someone else could not see your worth does not in any way reduce it. Nothing is wrong with you, so stop believing it. XOXO
This post is also published on covenantrelationships.org by me. To read all my other posts, please like my facebook page by clicking here