Are You The Female Buddy That Just Won’t Quit?

Boyfriend-Friends-Girl-Who-Likes-HimIt’s awesome to have a best friend, and I suppose many people enjoy being a best friend to someone. However, when you are a guy’s best female buddy, things are likely to get a little complicated. Nah…scratch that, they can get really really complicated.  I have valid reasons to believe many women become friends with men that tick a lot of qualities on their list of wants. They spend time hanging out with these men, laughing at jokes and sharing common interests. It is only a matter of time before that tingling sensation called a crush starts to overwhelm such women, and they soon find themselves at the receiving end of un-reciprocated love. Being women, we hang around hopefully waiting for the day he’ll look into our eyes and whisper sweet nothings in our ears. We watch him have flings with air-heads, and console ourselves because we have the intelligence factor. We watch him date physically unfit women with bulging love handles, and smile to ourselves… ‘he’ll be back. I take better care of my body.’ We  even watch him date women that do not necessarily share his interest in politics or Human Rights laws, and of course this gives the assurance that he will get tired one day and realize everything he needs is in his best female buddy.


I have seen women do many pathetic things, things that made me stare open-mouthed for minutes, and in some cases, things that made me pace from one end of the room to the other for no particular reason, but this… this best female buddy cramped up with emotions thing, has to be the most pathetic one of all. Why do we cause ourselves unnecessary pain, unnecessary delay and unnecessarily deny ourselves a chance to live and love as we should? We hang around waiting, we compare eligible men with our best buddy, and it may not matter if they have it all, they just won’t be good enough.

Well, it’s OK if you want to waste your time, hanging around like a puppy, and wagging your tail whenever he smiles at you, but what irks me is the scrutiny and competition that arises when a real girlfriend walks into your male buddy’s life. I always say whoever said men are competitive did not spend any time studying women. For some reasons, female buddies tend to believe their male best friend is their territory, and they need to pee all around him to keep off any intruders. They squirm when they meet the girlfriend, they scrutinize her, and look out very keenly for her flaws. It wouldn’t matter if she’s a nun, they’d find some shortcomings and employ the friendship strategy to convince their male buddy to let her go. If that doesn’t work, they become a ball of emotions and start to confess feelings no one cares to know about…. Guys aren’t stupid, before you start spewing larva like a volcano, they already know what’s happening . They don’t need to hear the news flash from you.

I have nothing against opposite sexes being best buddies; as a matter of fact, for most of my teenage and post-teenage life, my buddies were from the opposite sex. What I never did though was hang around like a puppy, wagging my tail and expecting any of them to fall helplessly in love with me. Of course I got a few stares from the girlfriends and sometimes got the cold attitude that could make the world freeze over, but it never really mattered, I was never into of my male buddies…that’s why they were my male BUDDIES.

If you are one of the female buddies that venomously tries to destroy your male buddy’s relationships, in the hope that he’d notice you, it’s time to retire, and quit wasting your life in an unnecessary long term wait. Your male buddy will probably never find you attractive enough to date if you keep hanging around him like ants on sugar. If he’s dating other ladies, even if they seem to be air-heads, it’s proof that he’s not into you! As far as he’s concerned, you are not in the friend zone, you are in the family zone! Go out, live your life, date other guys, do what makes you happy. Don’t hang around your male buddy trying to modify yourself to suit his taste, with the hope that he will see you have all he wants and will quit chasing other women.

If you do choose to hang around him, no qualms. You can be his best man on his wedding day…because that’s most likely how he sees you- as another buddy he can punch on the back and perhaps give a wedgie should the opportunity present itself. Quit, and let him be. He’s your buddy, not your property!

5 thoughts on “Are You The Female Buddy That Just Won’t Quit?

  1. Hi Demi, am going to weigh in here on behalf of besties and buddies. A lot of the time, many of them don’t see it coming. Like all human relationships, there’s nothing as complicated as this one. First, you’ve connected with someone who shares a lot of your interests and beliefs. Who gets your jokes (men & women). You may not agree on everything but even in that, you’re okay with each other. Why? Because your friends and the difference don’t matter because you appreciate them for who they are. Sounds familiar right? The same as a friendship with the same sex. And here comes the second factor, they’re from the opposite sex. You may not have set out to find them attractive and fall for them, but you’ve got eyes and you notice, they notice. You compliment each other’s appearances. Sometimes even stand in as a ‘date’ because you can pass for boyfriend and girlfriend. All your friends ask, ‘why aren’t you together? You’ve got so much chemistry.’ Yep I’ve asked that question to a couple of friends of mine because I was like ‘why the heck not?’ If it doesn’t work, you can go back to friends…uh and that’s the rub. Not always. Because sometimes the people we are in friendships are not the people we are in romantic relationships. It’s as complicated as a Facebook relationships status lol. You’ve these two people who share so much, yet are friends. And yes there are many out there who don’t fall for their besties and buddies because they’ve always been in the friend zone or family zone. You gag at the idea and go ‘eeeeewwww’. But there are people (men & women) who do fall for their friends because on every level it DOES make sense. They check most of the boxes. And you do get marriages who started out this way. Life is a crazy and amusing thing. I’ll never understand it. I have sympathy with this group simply because I’ve watched the agony some go through, again men & women, when they discover ‘oops I like him/her more than I should’. I’ve even tried to give advice on occasion (failed miserably btw *laughs*). I guess what I’m say is this, no one can predict what will happen in a relationship. One minute your playing video games, the next you’re making out and going ‘whaaat?! Just happen?!’ Then you’re awkward and stressed because, ‘that should NOT have happened’, One wants to give it a go and the other doesn’t want to lose the friendship and dot dot dot because I’ve no clue how that story ends. I’m friends with people who’ve been married to their bestfriend for over 30 years. I have friends who ‘hooked up’ with their bestfriends, and it didn’t go anywhere after that. It’s complicated. I’ve never been in such a position, simply because in my view (which has been tested in my life) I can’t be bestfriends with guys unless they’re family, someone always messes up and then you find yourself in awkward position of having to ‘kiss’ a great friendship goodbye. But I do have sympathy. I’ll end off with this quote or thought I found earlier in the year and shared with my writing group. I got interesting responses 🙂 ” A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong tome, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

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    1. Inge, I love your anslysis of this topic. What I have a problem with is the female buddies that just don’t get the point. It’s a different story if they are both single and falling for each other. If one person starts dating and rejects all advances, shouldn’t that be a cue to move on? I’m really passionate about this because I see many femsle ‘buddies’ destroying their msle buddy’s relationships simply because they want the guy. I feel it’s unnecessary to go that far especially when the guy has made it clear he’s just not that into you.

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      1. In that case I wonder to myself, have they been honest with themselves (or the person) from the get-go? You do get people who think becoming a ‘friend’ is an in. I’ve also seen that & it doesn’t always work. And like you’ve said men aren’t stupid, but most of all their girlfriends also aren’t stupid. And 100% of the time they will choose their girlfriends over the friend, because if they’d wanted the friend they would’ve been her *smh* Most men are very straightforward when it comes to these things. Ah we women, who do we only regard something or someone as a ‘good thing’ when someone else has it?

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