You’re probably rubbing your eyes or cleaning your glasses to make sure you read that title right. This is not a dream, I am encouraging you to throw a tantrum when you have to!
The word ‘maturity’ is overused, over-flogged and misunderstood in so many ways, especially in relationships. When someone comes along, sweeps you off your feet, takes you on a magic carpet ride and then tells you “Oh I’m married” or “I have a girl I’m seeing and I’m madly in love with her”, the dictates of maturity expect that you should go to your room, cry your eyes out, eat a two litre bowl of ice cream and just curl up in your bed beneath your sheets like a puppy that was beaten down by torrential rain. Of course sentences like “just let go”, “leave him, God will judge” “your man is coming”, “give him the silent treatment” “keeping quiet is for your own good” “If you say something to him, he might use it against you”….bla bla bla don’t help the situation! Yet they are the ones we listen to! So we end up walking around with brokenness, with sealed steam inside of us, slowly destroying us and hardening our hearts till we suddenly find ourselves in a place where we are singing “all I want to do is find a way back into love” Yeah, how has that been working out for you? Welcome to the era of tantrum fixers!
It’s time to dump complacency and learn how to tell douche bags to go to hell. And no, you don’t do it with the silent treatment, throw a tantrum that will make you feel like going to sleep soundly afterwards. And you don’t throw the tantrum while you are locked up alone in your room, pick up the phone, or go to the man responsible for the brokenness you feel and make him understand how angry you are! Do it with all your energy, do it with attitude. Erm…just in case he is physically abusive, I suggest you do it over the phone and change postcodes immediately after.
We women are so funny; we tend to shy away from confrontation, we agree to be ‘just friends’ after someone has hurt us deeply and we’d rather weigh ourselves down with sadness than enjoy the release that comes from telling a man exactly what we think of him. We have taken maturity way too far, that’s why we end up not letting go! When he comes back around a second, third, fourth or even fifth time, we are ‘mature’ enough to forgive and ‘go with the flow’ until he plunges yet another knife into our hearts. My oh my! Talk about an adept fail-proof plan for self-destruction. While we are aligning all these missiles we intend to shoot ourselves with, the main reason for our hurt has moved on, blissfully unaware of our anger or pain, and ready to move on to his next target. Aha…let him share the burden a little. Let him experience a bit of the storm too. He may act like he doesn’t care, but deep inside, his stomach will be growling unpleasantly and perhaps he will experience a few heart palpitations when he recalls your harsh words nicely laced with the assurance of karma.
Throw a tantrum! Tell him exactly what you feel! And no don’t apologise for it. If you think he’s a coward, jeez, strap on a pair and tell him, instead of letting him play ‘mini mini mani mo’ with your feelings. It doesn’t mean you won’t cry, it doesn’t mean you will hurt less but believe me, your healing time will be quicker because just like crying, there is a sweet release you get from telling someone that’s taking advantage of you to go to hell and combust into ashes. People might say “what if he wants to come back for a second chance, don’t say anything to him”… HUH???!!!! Do you want a man that has used you, treated you like trash and dumped you by the ‘roadside’ to come back? Come back for what? Scene one take two? Release yourself! It is more difficult to move on from someone that hurt you when you keep quiet about how angry you are. And it is even more difficult to let go of someone when there was no ‘official fight’. So if you really want to let go, create that official fight now and release yourself! The golden rule to this technique? delete every memory of him afterwards and when you bump into him, don’t ‘act mature’ and go say hi. What on earth is that about? Walk past him! It doesn’t mean you’re stoill angry as many people assume, it’s because he has no place in your life and shouldn’t be entertained.
Instead of acting mature, act like a child! Not a spoilt child, but a child that knows why she is so angry and knows that anger is justified in every way.
XOXO have a fab weekend!